Desperate for help and a fig-leaf semblance of international legitimacy in the USA's criminal and increasingly costly (in dollar terms, lives and US credibility) occupation of Iraq, US President George Numbnuts Bush has granted Turkey a bribe of 8.5 billion dollars in return for its "cooperation".
The Pretzel Prez also promised to 'eliminate the threat' of some 5,000 Turkish Kurd rebels in Iraq's north, considered terrorists by both Wankara and Washingtoon. Now, that's what I call a deal made between like-minded assholes!
Needless to say, however, not even the 'Governing Council' of Iraq - although hand-picked by the USA for compliance - is buying this turkey. To date, despite the disappearance of Saddass Hussein, Iraqi sovereignty is still far away, so close!
But the Bush League of Liars is wetting its communal knickers over the anticipated arrival of some 10,000 Turkish troops to Iraq.
I mean, US voters could care less about young Turks being sent home in body bags, right?
I suspect Turkish voters may have a differing view. And as for the Kurds?
Incapable of restoring safety, stability and basic services in Iraq, the punch-drunk USA has shamelessly appealed for troops and cash from other countries. UN head smurf Koffi Annan, and other national leaders opposing the crackpot Yank attack, have already made it clear that the belligerent USA will have to be a little nicer if it wants playmates in the Iraqi sandpit.
I gotta say, kids, it was a real pleasure watching George squirm through his UN address in his latest pathetic attempt to bully the world to his way of thinking.
Thinking? Thoughts? Not Georgie, not that 'idiot' as Nelson Mandela so succinctly described the US Presidunce.
And nicely framing the vile, venal and vindictive foreign policy of the Bush League of Liars, Washingtoon has arse-kicked teensy weensy New Zealand's anti-nuclear policy and its 'failure' to join the US occupation of Iraq, quashing Wellington's hopes of a free-trade deal with the snippy USA.
Should the Kiwis have sent the mighty All Blacks to tackle Tikrit? Nah, send them to the Oval Orifice!
Confirming that the vengeful, petulant USA is punishing New Zealand for refusing to join the illegal invasion of Iraq, US ambassador to Wellington Charles Swindells (an appropriate name for a Yank ambassador in any country) declared that Australia and Britain had fought to 'defend freedom', but New Zealand had not.
Gee, and I thought the invasion was all about destroying Saddass Hussein's "arsenal of terror," his "chemical and biological weapons", his attempts at "seeking nuclear weapons....". I thought it was about stopping his "imminent threat" to "America and the world with horrible poisons and diseases and gases and atomic weapons."
Although Swindells couldn't say where Saddass Hussein's huge stockpiles of immediately deployable chemical, biological and nuclear weapons were - now that the mighty, noble USA has occupied Iraq - the Yank Ambassador did say there was no chance of a free-trade deal for New Zealand.
If you're not with the Bush league they're against you, remember?
Then again, with US primary producers the most heavily subsidised and protected in the world, you'd have to be a dope to think you had a chance of actually nailing a fair trading agreement in the first place. Or do you believe in the Tooth Fairy? Or maybe you think Saddass helped in the 2001 hijacked plane crash horror?
Meanwhile, back in Duhmerica, the US Congress (Congress? Isn't that just a fancy word for "fucking"?) has approved $US65.3 billion for military operations in both Iraq and Afghanistan (Oh Osama, come out come out wherever you are!), with $US18.6 billion ear-marked for Iraq "reconstruction".
Reparations, that should be!
And just to put those big numbers into perspective, a current World Bank-UN report estimates Iraq needs $US36 billion - on top of the latest US funds - for rebuilding a nation smacked cock-eyed after decades of dictatorship, a crippling war with Iran, a disastrous attack on Kuwait, a dozen years of deadly international boycotts, constant bombing raids by the USA and its Brit poodles, and - finally - an invasion.
And you thought US Presidential elections cost a bundle? I demand a recount!
This was Max Gross for Xenox News, pissing in the wind, wishing upon a star, and wondering when Arnold Schwcharzenenenggereggererrr will be air-dropped into Tikrit.