Wednesday, 07 November 2001 By TOM TITMOUSE

With the forthcoming election result a foregone conclusion Xenox News’ chief political reporter Tom Titmouse reviews the state of our great nation as we head for another 3 years under the puny pricked* Prime Minister John Howard.

*Check our recent survey’s result


Australia of 2001 is a nation sure of itself as the greatest nation on earth. It must be because every wog, gippo, dago and Abdul want to invade us. So we must be doing something right! And what is it that makes Australia great? That makes the great unwashed of the world flock to our shores in rickety boats? Our dynamic industries pumping out the latest technological innovations to the world? Our world class education system teaching our future leaders? Our unemployed working for the betterment of society?


It’s because Australia is a country where you can have 2 cars, a ¼ acre house, a $75 000 income, and still have the government subsidising your wanna be lifestyle! Want to send your spawn to some snotty nosed school so you can look down on the neighbours? Then here’s $1500/yr to do it! Don’t like the idea of spending time in a public hospital with the filthy hoi polloi? Then please take $2 billion a year so your turd in the bed pan is the only odor that offends.

That’s right, forget about welfare for those bludgers who only exist to sponge money of us hard working taxpayers. Lets give it to those who really need it.

Those poor cocksuckers on 'strugglestreet'!

The fact that these people live in the marginal seats that have kept the Rodent in power for so long has nothing to do with it. These people are doing it hard! All they wanna do is the best for their children! They just aspire for something better! And the right to live with no abos or Abduls around!

Is that too much to fucking ask!

I mean have you ever been to Clayton? Rooty Hill? No decent people should have to mix with the rabble that lives there! And thanks to the 4-eyed cunt they don’t have to. He has finally rewarded those that need it the most. But don’t think they are satisfied with what they’re getting now. They will want more. And they know where they can get it. From all those dole bludgers pinching our taxes! Those slutty single mothers spawning more and more snotty nosed brats!

Jesus Christ they work hard and they don’t want any of those low lifes pinching their money!

Fuck! They wanna be rich and those bastards are stopping them!

The fact that these pricks are the most mediocre, the most whiney, doesn’t matter. They want it. Sure, if they had any talent they would be what they desire. But they don’t. And it aint fair!

Johnny give me the money!

And you know what? The sawn off little dickhead is responding in spades. He knows the trick is to tell them yes they do live in the greatest land on earth. And that yes, these pricks are having a hard time, and by god he is gunna help them. By spooning out the welfare to them. But don’t think he wants them in leafy Toorak! Or next to Shit-a-billi house. He and Hyacinth don’t want those riff-raff spoiling their harbour views…Just give ‘em enough to make them think they’re doing better then those gipos down the road.

Welcome to Australia 2001. Surely the shit has landed and is multiplying.

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