Dear Ricky

Mr. and Ms. Howard, I am very glad to hear that you seem to have a wonderful sex life as a married couple. Unfortunately, this is so unusual today.

Too often we hear of non-married people fornicating; or even homosexuals inbibing in drugs and sodomizing each other. Also alarming is the hate that sometimes develops between man and wife due to the wife's unruly toung, which can lead to violence. These are unholy and obscene acts that offend the Lord.

I also commend you on your love of Jesus Christ and your willingness to profess that love. The Lord wants you to love your spouse and profess that love to each other.

However, you may be getting confused with the Love you have for the Lord and the love you have for your wife. Both should be equally pleasing, but in different ways.

The the Lord really does not want to be bothered when you are in the act of fulfilling your husbandly or wifely duties. He will take over after the seed has been set free in the proper location, and he doesn't need you screaming his name to do his job. Do you like it when some grunt screams at you while you are trying to do your job?

So, here is what you two love-birds need to do. It's called "conditioning. If Mr. Howard pesters the Lord while delivering seed to his wife, then the Wife simply needs to rack grab hold of and pull your pubic hairs as hard as she can until you scream out "bitch" instead of the Lord's name. Then, if your wife is bothering the Lord, you, Mr. Howard need to bite her left nipple with such force that she screams out "A$$hole"
instead of our beloved Father's name.

Try it a few times, then report back and let us know if you've had success.

I suggest impaling each other on sharpened stakes. Try it a few times, then report back and let us know if you enjoyed it. Calling out the name of The Lord is optional.
- Vlad (sharp as a stake)

By moaning the name of the lord I cum like the space shuttle descending... why spoil a good thing!