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if John Howard went scuba diving... like Harold Holt?

I'd settle for lucid while awake.

My toe slipped on the keyboard: I mean of cause the 7,100 British troops - NOT 71,000! - Blair has tossed into the Iraqi furnace. Jeepers, didn't even Fiji send more than that?

I get it! Howard is sending in 70 (non-combat-role!) "advisers" to Iraq to replace the 71,000 British troops Blair is about to announce withdrawing in "a matter of weeks". George will be pleased!

Keep 'em coming.

hey hey imma pothead i like to smoke big doobies and i love to get high in school because there's nothing else to do and i'm shitting it if i get caught so u motherfucker better not tell on me i'll get my dog i wish i had weed right now because i got in trouble with the principle nigga i love blazin actin a crazy i love having sex when i'm high because i can almost make him moan be all sweaty then be on top of him cheesing it i love doing homework when i'm high it gives me good focus because this is all just bogus

That's fucked it! I was going to say something clever, but D-I-L-D-O pricked my balloon and rooted me good.
- Astro Boy

The event was before, the dream came after

I won't sleep for a week after this!

John Howard is sending 70 more Diggers - oops, sorry "advisers" - to Iraq to help the 140-odd-thousand American occupation army. That'll teach thoe nasty horrible insurgents, terrorists, Bathists, Islamicists and the rest of the Iraqi population!

The Mad Mullahs have nearly reached the point of no return on their quest for nuclear weapons. They must be stopped before they arm their terrorist proxies with these nightmarish devices. No options should be left off the table when dealing with lunatics like Iranian President Madmanahmed. Yes, diplomacy should be given a chance but if it fails to stop these IslamoFascists from getting the bomb then force will be our only option.
Thank God we have steely willed leaders like Aussie PM Howard willing to stand up against cowardly thugs like the Mad Mullahs of Tehran. It gives one hope that terror may be overcome.

God Bless,

Patriot.

DREAM-INITIATED LUCID DREAM ORGASMS (DILDOs)

Had one the other night. Boy was my Missus angry at me then! Left a big dollop of cream all over her mug.

Give her a day and I reckon she'd have some stubble

If only she had a beard...

I but seen her passing by...
But I'll have a boner till the day I die!

Dear Anonymice, have you ever considered that your current brain wiring - "what I've got" may be blocking you from your just rewards? I suggest the "final solution". Just try it. What have you got to lose? I have just looked at my surgical diary, and if you hurry, I could book you in for surgery tomorrow.

So I Prefer what I've got to what I could get.

That's why Howard has my vote.

It's a dirty job but someone's gotta do it.

I reckon so.

On another matter when is that lazy arse editor going to post up those questions????

Is it true that Swordfish Trombone was the last 'drunk' album?

A young woman was having a physical examination and was very embarrassed because of a weight problem. As she removed her last bit of clothing, she blushed. "I'm so ashamed, Doctor," she said, "I guess I let myself go." The physician was checking hers eyes and ears. "Don't feel ashamed, Miss. You don't look that bad."

"Do you really think so, Doctor?" she asked. The doctor held a tongue depressor in front of her face and said, "Of course. Now just open your mouth and say moo."

when the yanks start bombing Iran in the coming months (weeks?) you know there will only be two countries that will publicly support it.

Israel and Australia.

Thats how far up the yanks arse our 70 year old PM has crawled.

I know, its a disgrace!

I stopped listening after Swordfishtrombone, you could tell he was too straight from then on.

Tom Waits tea totaler for over a decade now

http://observer.guardian.co.uk/magazine/story/0,,1932046,00.html

And you won't need no camel, no, no, When Johnny takes you for a ride...
- Sultan of Onan

Send your camel to bed

I'm offering five cents! I'm gambling that one day Oz citizenship may be worth something. It's a big risk, but I will pay five cents for your citizenship. I plan to pray for the Toxic Turd and his mates to be rolled at the next spasm of mock democracy, and then I'll offer to sell the citizenships for ten cents if Rudd wins, otherwise it's off to NZ, or Mars perhaps...
*CAPTAIN AUSTRALIA*

Dear Mr. Bush,

Thank you for declaring war on terrorism. I agree that fighting terrorism is very important. After all, no one really wants terrorists disrupting little league games and trips to the grocery store. I'm sure you've made great progress in making the world a safer place for all of us. And I'm sure each American would really like to help and do our part. There are a few things, however, that I am unclear about. Perhaps you can clarify them for me.

During hurricane Katrina, there were lots of looters stealing TV's and food from local stores. The looters were carrying guns. Are the looters terrorists, or were the police who shot at them terrorists? How come the war on terrorism does not extent to looters?

Whenever there is a blackout in a major city, people break windows and steal merchandise from stores, and commit crimes. I am not an expert, but these people seem to be causing terror. Why don't we just shoot them, like we shoot terrorists in the Middle East?

There is a bully in my neighborhood. He terrorises other kids. Is he a terrorist-in-training or the real thing? Should I call the police and ask them to shoot him? It seems shooting him would be a pre-emptive action.

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad threatened to destroy Israel. Does that make him a terrorist? Or does he have to attack some country fiirst before he is classified as a terrorist? Personally, I think he would fall under the category of a virgin terrorist, because he hasn't done anything yet. Perhaps you should just shoot him anyway. Then Ahmadinejad can have 72 virgins in his next life, and Irael would be saved. Sounds like a win-win situation for everyone involved.

Mr. Kim in North Korea seems to like to torture his own people. I think that makes him a terrorist, but I could be wrong. Maybe he is just evil, since you said he is part of the axis of evil. If he tortured Middle Eastern terrorists, would that make him a terrorist? Or would it make him our friend?

They say China is one of the biggest violators of Human Rights. Does that make the Chinese government terrorists, even though they are terrorizing their own people? Why do we give a "Most Favored Nation" status to one terrorist country, and bomb another? Is it because they don't export their terrorism? Or are you afraid the Chinese will bomb us back? You know, the Chinese have nuclear weapons too. And there are more Chinese than Americans, so they're probably not scared of us.

Mr. Bush, you once called Democracy "Terror's Antidote". The democratic process was used in Palestine. Hammas won, making a brand new Democracy, That makes them Terror's Antidote. Then you refused to negotiate with them. I don't understand. They were elected with the democratic process, just like you wanted. Please explain.

I remember when a war was declared on crime. We still have crime, so I guess that war was lost. Then there was the war on poverty. And the war on drugs. Are these wars still going on? I don't think any of them have been won yet, but I could be wrong. Now we have a war on terrorism. There seems to be a pattern here, mostly like a pattern of never ending and never winning. Don't ya think?

I have a Samurai sword, Nunchucks, knives, and some throwing stars, but I do not have a gun. If someone breaks into my house, which one should I use to kill them? I can kill them pretty effectively with any of the weapons, but I think using the Samurai sword and knives might make me a terrorist, but not the Nunchucks. I'd hate to be classified as a terrorist. Which one should I use? Please keep in mind that I don't want too much blood all over my house.

Thank you very much for helping me understand these things. I am sure you have great insight into these matters. I am looking forward to your answers.

Dr. R.E. Zee.

A long stint in Guantanamo with rationed dunny paper and no brisk morning jogs allowed would perhaps suffice? Better still, a helicopter ride over the Pacific... and push the bugger out!

Its hard to spell after your 6th tinnie...

You're having a dig, aren't you? He may be just a suckhole to you, but he's OUR little suckhole - you smart-arse cunt!
- Paranoid Raving Right-wing Ratbag on an odd mix of drugs I just got from Johnno down at the pub...

Jesus Trev! Led up the path. L-E-D as in being led, not L-E-A-D the metal. No fucking wonder you didn't get a root!
Let's look at PATH link next!
- P. Dantic

John is in the first position. In the next phase, we lower him gently onto the sharpened stake. When the job is done, he will be squatting, and the point of the stake will protude from his gaping mouth. Of course, he will "stay the course" until "the job is done!"
- Vlad (we never have any callbacks or complaints!)

Good on yer Digger. Here at Reality Central HQ we enjoy a bit of comedy relief.
Flights of mad fancy like yours, always give us a lot of laughs!
- RCHQ (Motto: "I will have reality, or you can go and get fucked!")

I cant make an informed decision until I see John Howard with a noose around his neck.

I was just lead up the path and got nothing!

You tree hugging hippies have been waiting for the end of the world since year dot.
Guess what?
It aint gunna happen!
Global warming-shcwarming; I'm proud to be a global warming sceptic.
Its a great aussie trait.
So forget it Mr Chato, life in our great land will continue on it's upward trend. Especially if you put the team with experience back again this year!

Digger

Cranbourne

Gee, Max - couldn't I just cut 'em up a little bit first?

There is a cure for the PM's sickness, and its remedy should apply to the US Presidunce as well: life in solitary at Guantanamo Bay... or better still Abu Ghraib.

Dollars: That's all it is, pure and simple: dollars...
- Big Spender

That's all it is, pure and simple: racism

Iraq has a government?

The rise of mercenaries and blood-drenched corporations like Blackwater in places as disparate - but obviously connected! - as Iraq and New Orleans is a natural consequence of the global Bushevik catastrofuck. It's not personal, it's business! And no non-Americon terrorist should feel the slighest remorse in targeting these mercenary mutherfuckers!

You ARE a perv. Is that you Tony Abbott?

Ricky, it is "Doctor" not "Mr". We artistes of the surgical profession need all the respect we can get - even if it's a cheap score!

What a filthy little animal! God knows, I could have saved the filthy little beast if only he was rushed to my Recreational Psychiatry unit! Too late, too late. You may be amazed to learn that I saved your national leader when he started to seem very strange. You can take mother-loving too far I believe. I regret that now. But at the time... Anyway, filthy little moral degenerates can be saved, and can become perfectly normal dysfunctional leaders and exemplars of what is usually, and laughably, called social values.

Hey www.xenoxnews.com

1. Thou shall not sneak out when parents are sleeping.
(why wait that long)

2. Thou shall not do drugs.
(alcohol lasts longer, not to mention being cheaper.)

3. Thou shall not steal from K-Mart.
(Wal-Mart has a bigger selection)

4. Thou shall not be arrested for vandalism.
(destruction has a bigger effect, I can tell you all about this)

5. Thou shall not steal from your parents.
(everyone knows grandma has more money)

6. Thou shall not get into fights.
(Cat fight anyhow...just start them.)

7. Thou shall not skip class.
(just take the whole day off)

8. Thou shall not wear revealing clothes in class.
(Hooters pays more)

9. Thou shall not think about having sex.
(like Nike says, "just do it")

10. Thou shall not help old ladies across the street.
(just leave 'em in the middle)

The Emperor's will is divine and cannot be faulted. Mere mortals do not the capacity to understand or the right to criticise.

And so they should open the gates.

Howard is also very concerned for the welfare of the people of Iraq and ensuing chaos of a withdrawal.

I propose he also opens the gates and allows 20,000 - 30,000 Iraqis into Australia so they can enjoy the freedom and liberation we are so insistent upon bringing them.

Them Baghdad babies burn at night, burn at night, burn at night
Them Baghdad babies burn at night, they also burn all day...hey!
- J.W.Howdywar (keeping you little voters all cosy and safe)